Saiou no Hana
BL
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Historical
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Drama
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BL | Historical | Drama |
This was not what Teru wanted from him. Shion already knew. He had sensed it the moment the man first held him, blood-drenched and trembling, in his arms.
“My lord,” Shion whispered, “it is all right, you know- if you wish to cut me-”
Teru’s face took on an odd expression. Tenderness, perhaps? It was something he'd never glimpsed there before, and Shion stared up at it in fascination as the man pressed the back of one hand to his flushed cheek. His skin felt completely burnt through beneath it, charred and smoldering, in ashes.
"All my life,” he continued, closing his eyes, “everyone has always dismissed me as something weak and fearful. Everyone, except you. So please, I beg of you, if you truly feel I am worthy of your desire, I would have all you mean to offer, everything- my lord means to give-”
The words tripped out over each other. True as they were, they sounded utterly pathetic.
Teru’s fingers fell over his lips. They lingered there for a long moment before pulling Shion’s head forward and closing their mouths together in a kiss. Suddenly the immensity of what he'd asked for overwhelmed him. He felt oddly claustrophobic, straining against the cloth wrapped around his throat, against Teru’s white-knuckled fist, as it became more and more difficult to breathe.
This terrifying sense of familiarity-
Something very much like this had happened before. Not in this existence, perhaps, but in some other-
No. Shion shook himself. He wasn’t there, but here. Not then, but now. With Teru, not-
“Little blossom?”
The man was glancing down at him inquisitively, his breathing harsh and uneven. Shion could see the pulse beating out in the veins of his neck. There was something beautiful and naked about it.
“Cut through my illusions,” he pleaded. “Show me- what is real-”
On hearing these words, every trace of Lord Teru’s hesitation seemed to disappear. Strong hands pulled at Shion’s body, urging him onto his stomach. His hard flesh pressed into the unyielding ground, prompting a startled moan which was soon drowned out by a distinct metallic shing.
Warm fingers grasped at his hip, kneading against his flesh with a pleasant, firm pressure, loosening the anxious tension in Shion’s muscles. It was a familiar and comforting sort of touch. Usually men did this to help ease their way inside him. Teru was probably doing it for the same reason, only this time it wasn’t flesh which was intended to pierce him-
The man’s stroking thumb brushed gently out across his skin before stretching it tight between his fingers. A sudden sharp sensation fell between them, lingering no more than a moment, as Shion stifled a groan. The cut was quick and clean. It didn't begin to hurt in earnest until Teru began pressing at it, drawing out his blood.
The man leaned out over Shion's body, kissing his sundered flesh. He felt himself tremble beneath it. This sparse contact was incredibly fulfilling. He waited in agonized anticipation for it to come again.
Another wave of mute and helpless shivering shook at his overwhelmed body as that warm, caressing hand moved once more across his flesh. Once more, the same sharp sensation assailed him. Once more, another vein, wrenched open, was spilling out his blood.
“You are so lovely,” Teru breathed against his skin. The soft sensation was nearly unbearable. Shion’s body twisted around it, and the bonds Teru had imposed upon him twisted as well, prompting a series of unashamed moans.
The man’s hand drifted from one side to the other, holding him firmly in place. Teru repeated his massaging caresses, and Shion found himself breathlessly waiting, not for a kiss or a touch, but instead for the next sharp cut, the next welling of blood-
Twice more they came, more quickly now. Lord Teru’s fingers pressed at him more heavily. His entire body was burning. Shion stared with half-lidded eyes at the blossoms spilling out beneath his head. He wasn’t sure how closely his body mirrored that brilliant crimson, but if it had been a feeling, instead-
Suddenly, he felt Lord Teru leaning out over his back. He felt the man’s skin, warm and slightly damp. His body shook beneath its weight.
Teru said nothing, only held on to Shion’s outstretched arms, stroking gently at his bound wrists. The man’s cheek brushed over the nape of his neck. That enamored pulse pounded against him. Somewhere there was cheering and applause, but Lord Teru’s breath was the only sound which echoed in his ears.
The pressure lifted. A hand swept down along his back, settling close at the base of his spine. A silvery line flashed at the edge of Shion’s vision as Teru placed the cool edge of the blade against his feverish skin.
He understood from its placement and the steely way the man’s fingers gripped into him this was truly going to hurt. He didn’t try to shut himself off from the pain, or push it away. He only took a deep breath and waited.
The sensation was slow and intense. It was difficult to remain still and allow it to continue, but Shion held back the impulse to escape it, even as he felt the blood dripping down between his legs. No coaxing had been necessary to call it forth this time. Teru’s blade shifted against him, cutting into the other side, while quiet murmuring groans escaped his otherwise-breathless lips. This bittersweet pain- the longer he held onto it, the more pleasurable it became. He was suddenly aware of the soil beneath his stomach growing damp.
After long, interminable moments, Lord Teru finally pressed both hands to Shion’s wounded flesh. He no longer had to be still, or quiet, and so everything he’d been holding onto broke out of him all at once. He moaned loudly, lifting his shivering hips up against the fingers which held them.
One of Teru’s fingertips brushed across his skin, teasing at the edges of his body.
“Your blossom is opening wide, little manjushage. It is so, so red.”
Shion groaned at the touch. For a moment he was too entirely lost to understand what was meant by these words, but then he realized Teru was referring to the blood which must have seeped down into him.
“Then my lord,” he panted, “must be satisfied at last-”
Teru’s finger stroked against him slowly, intimate and close, teasing him without ever venturing inside. “That,” he whispered, bending over to kiss the nape of Shion’s neck, “is not all I wanted.”
The fingertip slipped inside him. Shion took a sharp breath, more from the soft insinuation of Teru’s voice than this sudden penetration. It was so small, so slight, and his body had been wracked with so many more intense sensations-
It soon became clear to him, however, that this maneuver had not been meant for his pleasure at all. Teru's finger straightened, taking on all the adjacent weight, as he lifted at Shion’s hips and his bare thighs slid underneath them. Shion kept forgetting how strong Lord Teru actually was, but at that particular moment, it seemed as though the man wanted him to remember-
One of Teru’s hands pressed along the torn edges of his flesh, disturbing his wounds and holding them open. Shion didn’t understand why until the moment he felt the man’s insistent erection pushing between them. A startled gasp escaped his lips. Teru pressed Shion’s flesh tightly over his own, rubbing himself against it, covering himself in Shion’s blood. It stung incessantly, burning at his irritated skin as he made a thoughtless attempt to push the man away.
Teru reached for the strip of cloth at Shion’s neck, pulling hard against it. At the same time, an intolerably sweet wetness drenched the inside of his body, making him regret his own shortsightedness.
“Pain and custom are both momentary, Shion. You must be able to think past such considerations.” The man lowered his head over Shion's back, his lips brushing softly along the contours of his spine. “Expect everything, yet be-” Languid fingers twined themselves in Shion's hair. “-unexpected.”
An overwhelming pressure assailed him as the man pushed his head into the ground. A muffled groan escaped his lips. Somehow, in his distraction, he hadn't noticed Lord Teru's hard flesh entering his body, but now that he had-
This shocked sense of violation- he must be able to think past it as well.
Why were they here? What did Teru intend to accomplish in doing this? All Shion knew was that he was necessary to this man, and that Teru- Teru was necessary-
“Shion,” he breathed, “I had forgotten- how good it is-”
Past pain, past pleasure, past victory and defeat-
Shaking fingers rested limply against his head. He could’ve easily pulled away, only he no longer wished to do so. He was Teru’s manjushage blossom, pressed into the earth exactly where the man had placed him. The damp ground beneath his stomach had become a splotch of mud.
Past humiliation-
Teru lowered himself over Shion’s back. His skin was hot and smooth. Firm fingers grasped at Shion’s upper arms, holding him fast as their combined weight traced furrows in the soil. The man’s forehead sank down against the back of Shion’s head.
“Beautiful flower-”
His hushed voice was thoroughly overcome.
The furrow beneath Shion’s body grew deeper. Teru moaned against him, trembling, biting at his hair, until the thin veneer of ice had finally melted, flooding him with its warm, wet thaw, and Shion’s unresistant body, Lord Teru’s flower, drenched in blood and mud and semen, spilled its seed into the ground.
Teru left him there, among the manjushage, after wordlessly untying his hands. He probably should’ve asked where the man was going, but Shion found himself surprisingly unconcerned. He examined his raw, uncovered wrists with fascination. They should’ve hurt, shouldn’t they? but instead his body simply throbbed with a warm, pleasant sort of ache. His fingers shone pale above the heavy bands of scarlet, glinting nails subtly imitating the pattern in shades of rose and ivory. Shion stared at them. Had they always been this way?
"You are looking at your hands as though you do not recognize them," Teru murmured softly, kneeling down beside him.
"It may be I recognize them more than usual."
The man smiled at him. He heard a dripping sound and turned his head to see Teru holding a wet cloth over a bucket of water. Shion lifted himself up on his elbows, watching him with evident surprise.
“Did you somehow expect me to disregard the harm I have caused you?”
He watched Teru’s movements silently for a moment.
“No, my lord,” he answered.
Light fingers pulled at his wounded skin. He felt a trickle of cold water slide over it.
“I only find it incredibly kind-”
The cloth began wiping gingerly at his flesh.
"I am simply taking responsibility for the consequences of my actions,” Teru murmured. That was probably exactly how the man thought of it, too, only the touch of his hands was so conscientiously gentle it filled Shion with a sense of tenderness and warmth which stood in sharp contrast to these cold, unemotional words.
"Whatever you choose to call this," he whispered, glancing up into the man’s eyes, "I am grateful for it, Teru."
For a moment, Lord Teru’s hand stopped moving. He seemed almost stunned. Shion couldn't tell whether it was the sentiment behind his words which had provoked this reaction, or if it was just the familiar way in which he'd found himself addressed.
"I am- grateful for you as well.”
Teru lifted at one of his arms and began wrapping a strip of cloth around his wrist. It was vaguely damp and carried a faintly medicinal smell. He must’ve been carrying this along with him, from the moment he left that morning-
The man avoided Shion’s gaze rather awkwardly. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking.
"Every time I've gotten hurt," Shion murmured, "it was always a sign of deficiency, of failure. Always a punishment." He paused. "I dealt with it myself and kept silent about it."
Lord Teru’s hands drifted away. "Do you feel that way about this, Shion?"
He carefully lifted himself onto his knees. Teru wasn't looking at him. His eyes were focused intently on the brilliant manjushage dancing in the wind.
"When you look at what I have left you, will you be ashamed? Will you hide your beautiful crimson? What will you say when someone asks how it was you came by those wounds?" His voice sounded almost pained. "Will you lower your eyes and say that I forced them upon you?"
"No, my lord," Shion answered quietly. "I will take responsibility for my own actions as well."
Teru gave him an uneasy glance. He hesitated for a moment before reaching to brush his fingers against the man's face. Teru seemed thoroughly unaccustomed to someone else’s touch, and he belatedly realized he probably ought to have asked his permission, only-
"Your hand is so soft." It was such a simple observation, and yet it seemed to leave the man in awe. He brushed at one of the manjushage blossoms, as though to make a comparison between them, and Shion found himself stifling laughter.
What a truly strange and remarkable person.
Teru raised the cloth again, washing off every bit of Shion’s skin, rinsing it, every now and then, before repeating the gesture. The barest hint of a smile crept across his lips.
“You seem to like this.”
“I am not certain how anyone could regard it otherwise, my lord.”
Teru glanced up at Shion’s flushed face with a sigh. “It will not do to have you rolling around in the dirt again when I have only just cleaned you.”
He loosened the outermost layer of his garments and laid the fabric over Shion’s shoulders, carefully guiding the sleeves up along his aching arms. The silk was light and soft, cool against his burning skin. His body felt pleasantly tired. If only he could lay in Teru's arms again, and sleep-
"Would you like to go take part in the festivities?"
The man's question startled him. He wasn’t at all used to being asked what he preferred, and it was clear to him that Teru would much rather return to the empty chamber and enjoy a rare afternoon of solitude.
"I would like-” He lowered his head. “-to remain alone with you, my lord.”
"I must warn you, I might be tempted to repeat that all again."
Shion glanced away, blushing. "Perhaps not all of it, Lord Teru."
The man smiled at him. His hand tousled softly at Shion's hair before lifting him onto his feet and securing the borrowed kimono around him. It was going to be obvious to anyone passing by that the clothing he wore wasn't his own, as obvious as the fact Lord Teru wasn't appropriately dressed himself. It was likely they'd guess what had happened between them.
Teru paused for a moment. Then he kissed Shion's forehead, drawing him away, towards the shrine.
Once they emerged in front of it, curious eyes fell immediately upon them. Teru pulled him closer, keeping his hand pressed to Shion's arm.
“Do you not mind it,” he murmured, glancing over, “being seen like this with me?”
“I have walked with all manner of men and women, Shion.”
“That may be true, my lord, but somehow I doubt they were wearing your clothes.”
The man gave him a sly smile. “Perhaps. Perhaps not.”
"Teru! Where have you been?"
The sound of that sudden voice arrested Shion’s movements.
Lord Teru paused before turning to bow ever so slightly at the man who’d come rushing up behind them. "Cousin," he acknowledged.
Yuma's eyes narrowed. His gaze swept from one of them to the other, taking in Shion's borrowed clothing and Teru's state of half-undress.
"I have been searching for you all morning."
"My apologies, Lord Yuma, but I did not wish to be found."
Yuma's gaze fell upon Shion once more. He folded his arms over his chest.
"I suppose I see now why you would not come with me.”
"Let him be," Lord Teru interrupted, shifting his body in front of Shion as though to shield him from Yuma's angry glare. "Why were you looking for me?"
"I have an errand for you. You will be leaving two days hence." He kept staring at Shion. His eyes caught at his bandaged wrists and held there.
"Shion," he murmured quietly, "what did this man do to you?"
"Nothing unwanted, my lord."
"I find that difficult to believe-"
Teru's hand dropped to the hilt of his sword. "I understand that you are jealous, cousin, but that gives you no right to slander me, nor to make him so uncomfortable."
Shion watched anxiously as Yuma took several heedless steps towards them. "Do you now so suddenly care for his comfort? Where was all this supposed concern, before?”
“Forgive me, my lord,” Teru answered, his voice as hard and cold as steel, “but I will remind you, I have shown far more concern than you have been capable of in the past.”
Yuma recoiled from these words as though they had left him with a very real and physical wound.
"Come," Teru murmured quietly, pulling Shion away.
He stole a glance behind him. Yuma, standing there alone in the road, the chill wind rustling around him, watching them walk away, looking strangely forlorn-
“This task he has set out for you- will it be dangerous, Lord Teru?”
“I am only ever sent out to gather information, Shion. There is no reason for you to worry.”
“He seemed so angry, though-”
“My cousin may be hot-tempered, but he is far from vindictive. You must trust him just a bit more, Shion.” The man paused, turning towards him with a meaningful look. “If anything happens while I am away-”
“I understand, my lord.”
Teru lingered there for a long moment, seemingly unconvinced. “I have a favor to ask of you, Shion.”
The words he’d prefaced it with sounded like nothing so much as a warning.
“Tomorrow night, after everyone has returned, we must make our attachment known, clearly, past all point of doubt.”
Shion lifted his head and gazed up at his companion, frowning.
“How,” he murmured softly, “are we to do that, my lord?”
Teru's steady gaze burned straight through him. "Let them see the act of proof.” He paused, studying Shion's absolutely aghast expression. “As objectionable as you may find that, I know of no better way to guarantee your safety while I am gone."
‘Objectionable’ was not half a strong enough word to describe this feeling-
Shion couldn’t answer. He only stood there, paralyzed with fear.
“I will not ask for any more than is necessary,” Teru continued gently, “and I will make it as easy for you as I possibly can.”
“Is there no way to avoid it?”
The man frowned at him. “I would rather act with your consent, Shion, but, if you will not give it-”
Was everything but a means to an end? Even this? He stared into the abyss of those dark eyes. What dangerous logic Lord Teru possessed.
"One must always act according to the greater good, even if it involves doing something you might momentarily find regrettable or distasteful." Teru paused. “Do you understand this, Shion?”
He exhaled a long sigh. This man meant to break him and then re-shape him, until, in the end, he might not recognize himself at all. Nothing in the world seemed familiar to him any longer, least of all himself. What was he becoming? Was it better, or worse? Shion didn't know. He only knew there was no turning back.
"I understand, Lord Teru. I will do whatever you ask.”
The man stepped forward. Strong arms tightened around him, and Shion held onto them with trembling fingers.
“Then,” Teru whispered, “allow me to go one step further and ask that you enjoy it.”
Why did this man feel so compelled to demand such impossible things?
By the time morning came, most of the men had returned. Those who hadn’t must’ve either found themselves incapable of staggering back, or else had been fortunate enough to discover something worth provoking the wrath of their superiors.
Teru had left him very early. He supposed Lord Yuma wouldn’t be feeling particularly lenient that morning.
Shion had picked up the treatise Teru had given him on a whim. He felt as though it might make what he’d agreed to do that evening easier, somehow.
“Where did you come by that?,” a familiar voice was asking. Shion glanced up at Toshiwara, raising an eyebrow.
“You should not be up and walking, my lord.”
“No,” the youth agreed, smiling, “I should not. But sometimes one does not act altogether as he should.”
The young samurai planted the heel of his injured leg against the floor and used the wall as a brace as he slid down, quite gracefully, beside him.
“Lord Teru- gave this scroll to me, the day that I first came here.”
“There are some, you know, who would object to putting such a thing into the hands of a peasant. No offense to you, of course.”
“None is taken, my lord.” Shion carefully considered his next words. “I do not think that Lord Teru regards me as such. I am not certain- how he regards me-”
“I understand that Yuma is sending him away for a time.”
Shion nodded.
“Do you know his purpose, or how long he will be gone?”
“No, my lord.” This wasn’t strictly true. Shion had been told Lord Teru would be gathering information, but he had no idea what, or why.
“I suppose that is probably for the best,” Toshiwara murmured softly. “If anyone else comes to ask you a similar question, do not reveal anything to them, Shion.”
The boy lifted himself up with a sigh, in the same fashion as he’d let himself slip down. Shion stared up at him, wondering why Lord Toshiwara would go to so much trouble simply to deliver this warning.
Time had worked its strange miracle. "Come here, Shion."
His heart caught in his throat. This was the appointed moment. The ritual was starting.
Teru smiled at him gently for a moment, then the man's hands began wrapping a strip of fabric over Shion's eyes. He recognized it. It was a piece from his torn yukata, already used for a similar purpose-
It carried Teru's scent.
"No one else exists here," he whispered. "There is only me and you."
Only-? Shion tilted his head inquisitively before slowly nodding.
"I am the wind. You will dance and sway with me, little blossom, and think nothing of it."
How strange- what was Teru doing?
He felt the man's hands lifting him onto his outstretched legs.
Teru's warm breath sighed against the back of his neck. "Well done."
That voice, those words-
For the first time during the whole ordeal, Shion blushed.
His body was being lifted. His eyes were uncovered. Lord Teru sat beside him, leaning close and smiling. He felt the man's mouth fall over his with a sense of bewilderment. Teru had never granted him this sort of kiss before.
"Shion," he murmured softly, "I have never felt so contented."
"Nor have I, my lord."
The man cradled Shion's face in his hands and kissed him once more. Somewhere men were whispering amongst themselves and laughing. Their voices were no more to him than the buzzing of flies. There was only one voice Shion gave any heed to, the one which was even then sighing sweetly into his open mouth.
He belonged to Teru, and he wasn't ashamed of it. They could think whatever they wanted.
Shion's hands tore at the bandages on his wrists. They had served their purpose. Now he was done with them.
Lord Teru pulled him close, spreading his blanket over them both. Shion's place lay deserted on the floor.
"From now on, you will sleep here," he whispered. "I would have you keep my scent about you."
Drowsily, Shion nodded.
"Also- the conversations around you will be much bolder while I am away. Listen carefully, Shion. Take that as your lord's command and your own very particular duty. I trust you will have valuable information for me when I return."
All these impossible- expectations-