Saiou no Hana
BL
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Historical
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Drama
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BL | Historical | Drama |
"I have not recently made the best decisions, my lord." Shion's voice was quiet. "If I had found some way to get the medicine to Kamui, or if I'd insisted on leaving sooner with Kagamine, then I might have saved them both."
"Perhaps you would have. Perhaps not."
"If there is a chance I could have acted differently and did not-"
"You feel responsible for it." Teru gently shook his head. "Even though your actions cannot possibly be the only thing that led here."
"You told me not to worry about things beyond my control, but how does a person ever know- what they can and cannot-"
"They relinquish it. All of it," the man answered calmly. "They stop making decisions and allow someone else to do it for them. There is no other way."
"But, my lord," Shion protested breathlessly, "I need to take responsibility, at least for something-"
"Then do it for attempting to mislead me into mistaking you for something you are not," Teru whispered, scattering loose kisses down his neck.
Yes, he sighed. That. It was wrong to lie, wasn’t it?
Lord Teru did not really think so. This was only another kind of game.
Shion blinked against the sunlight spilling into the room, pressing his face into the pillow in order to block it out completely. Morning had come far too soon. His exhausted body protested the sudden influx of light.
Gentle fingers were stroking at his hair. He thought he heard a sound like quiet laughter.
"Are you so unhappy to find yourself awake, then?”
He didn't answer. Perhaps Teru would think he was still sleeping-
A hand crept over his thigh, tracing out careless circles against his skin. "You act as though I might find the idea of waking you abhorrent."
"My lord, I am perfectly awake already."
"Tired, though, are you not?"
"And sore," Shion murmured. He turned his face towards the man with a sigh. "Should you not be going, my lord?"
Teru smiled at him. "I have little enough to do here until the daimyo arrives. I would enjoy this time with you while I still can."
"And afterwards-” He hesitated. “What will become of me then?"
Lord Teru's warm fingertips strayed along the edges of his face. "I found you, and I claimed you. I am not about to give you up, Shion. My purpose for you is not nearly finished.”
His purpose. Shion closed his eyes. What meaning had his life ever had- but this?
"Yesterday you mentioned a medicine you meant to give to Kamui."
He gave a slight nod.
"Did you prepare it yourself?"
"Yes, my lord."
"I do not understand why the daimyo did not keep you closer at hand, considering you might have been capable of healing his wounds."
"I am not certain," Shion answered quietly. "The last time I saw him was from afar. His arm was bandaged and splinted, and he was practicing with the other hand."
"Where were you exactly?" Teru had a keen look about him, as though he'd stumbled on some significant piece of information.
"There is a certain spot on a certain hill where it is possible to overlook the walls and see to the grounds below."
"That is no good," the man murmured. "You must show me."
Shion stared up at him. "Right now, my lord?"
Teru nodded, and he sat up with a sigh.
"But what, my lord, of the bandits?"
The man gave him a long look before he finally answered. "Lord Hatori sent them here. Now that Kamui is dead and Kagamine is captured, there is no reason for them to stay."
Shion frowned at him, saying nothing. Hatori- had sent them there? It seemed likely, from what Lord Teru had said, that they'd been bribed, but- Lord Hatori had been Kamui's ally, had he not?
"If any are left, they will not trouble us," Teru added, leaning over to kiss Shion's uncovered stomach. It tickled slightly, and he blushed.
"Here, my lord. This is the path. Otherwise you will find yourself caught up in thorns." He led Teru, sure-footed, into the undergrowth.
"You must have spent a great deal of time in the mountains."
Shion nodded. "Most of the plants I have needed to gather are here."
"It is little wonder the boy wished to take you with him."
He frowned back at Teru. That wasn't the reason at all.
"Kagamine loves me," he murmured.
"Love is but another kind of bargain people make, Shion, no higher or purer than this one." He could feel the man's eyes watching him, even as he turned away. "You must admit that your skills would have been of great use to the boy."
Shion didn't answer. They wound their way upwards through the brush.
"I am curious what advantage you thought it might offer to you, however. If the bandits had found you, they would either have killed you or attempted to sell you off.”
"We stood a better chance together than he would have alone." Shion paused. "I wanted to see him safe and well, and perhaps find happiness with him, someplace far away-"
A light hand fell upon his shoulder. "And if you had not?"
"Then, at least, my lord, I would have tried."
"You sound like a man who goes to war knowing he stands no chance of coming back from it alive." Teru studied him for a moment, smiling softly. "Brave, but foolish."
Foolish, this desire in his heart to be loved-
"This is the place, Lord Teru." He stopped and stood silently as the man walked up beside him. The half-naked trees shedding off their autumn leaves made the view far more evident than the last time he'd been there.
Warm fingers tousled at his hair.
"It is a bit too far to be within range of an arrow, but one can see into the grounds quite clearly." The man turned towards him with a smile. "Some adjustments will have to be made. Well done, Shion."
Lord Teru's praise made him blush. He had no particular desire to protect Lord Hatori, nor any of his men, but as long as Teru thought Shion had value, the man would not abandon him. Something about this thought filled him with shame, and he kept his head down. Exactly when had he allowed himself to become so helpless?
The wind stirred gently around them, and he shivered. A moment later Shion found Lord Teru's outer garment draped around his shoulders.
"The falling leaves are so lovely."
He glanced up at Teru's face in surprise. For once, the man was looking beyond him, and his expression seemed serene, almost blissful. Something squeezed at Shion's heart as he followed Lord Teru's gaze with his own, clutching at the fabric with white-knuckled hands.
Why had this man given it up to him like that?
"You should return here before the weather turns too cold and gather more of your plants for use this winter.”
"The storehouse is already full of medicines, my lord. The daimyo purchased them all from my old master."
"I am certain we will have use of them in the season to come."
An arm fell over his shoulders, and Shion found that Teru's gaze was directed towards him once more. "Come. We should return and eat.”
He wasn’t particularly hungry, but he nodded all the same.
"Tell me, what sort of man was Kamui?”
The question caught him off-guard and rather ill-prepared.
“My cousin thought very highly of him,” Teru continued as Shion led him down the rocky slope, “although he lived in exile and was considered by most to be little more than a mercenary.”
“I do not know much about his past, my lord, but he treated us all with the utmost kindness.”
“I find what he was able to accomplish in this province quite admirable,” the man admitted, “but kindness is not much of an asset to a warlord.”
Shion didn’t respond. Everything within him wanted to defend Kamui, but in the end, he really knew so little about him. He’d never really considered what other people might’ve thought of him, or what circumstances might’ve led him there. It made him sad to think of all the questions which would now forever remain unanswered.
“Do you know anything about his lieutenant, a man named Shiina?”
He glanced back at Teru, frowning. “No, my lord. I do not think I have ever met him. Kamui never brought me back with him to the fortress.”
The man raised an eyebrow at him. “How very pastoral, laying you out upon the grass-”
“Lord Kamui never laid me out anywhere,” he answered, pulling away. “He died, before-” Shion choked back a sob.
For a moment, Lord Teru simply stood there, regarding him with what might have been a pitying look.
“Forgive me,” he murmured at last. “I did not mean to upset you.”
Shion rubbed at his face with his sleeve, turning away. There was no comfort for him here. Why had he ever expected it to be otherwise? This man was nothing like Kagamine.
He’d truly become Lord Teru’s whore.